Things You Never Knew
by Ala
Summary: Incidents you never knew happened, and may wish you never knew happened.
1. INCIDENT ONE

Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun. Do you? You do? I don't like you. . aubergine.  
  
Summary: This is your real summary. Random events that occurred before, during, and after the Trigun series.  
  
Written by: Ala (You'll never know my real name! BWA HA HA HA!)  
  
Co-written by: Megan . she has no last name. I found her. under a rock.  
  
THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
INCIDENT ONE: The Cookies  
  
Knives stormed down the dimly lit hallway of his SEEDS ship. He had yet to find one Legato Bluesummers and he had been searching for his second in command all day, which was more than enough to demolish his good mood. He stopped when he came to the end of the hallway. A faint static sound could be heard from beyond the door, followed shortly by a rather loud burp.  
  
"Eaugh, spiders." Knives mumbled to himself before violently hurling the door open.  
  
/./ was Knives only sensible thought at the sight he saw before him.  
  
There on the couch lay the one Legato Bluesummers that he had been searching for. Illuminated in the dull light of the TV Knives saw Legato sprawled out, wearing only his Cookie-Monster boxers, casually munching on his beloved chocolate chip Teddy Grahams. He barely glanced up at Knives before returning his attention to the TV.  
  
Knives turned his attention to the television as well, and was appalled at his discovery, "Legato, what /are/ you doing?"  
  
Legato began to slowly fondle his arm, and barely peeking at his master from his slothful position answered in his normal, barely audible voice, "We're baking cookies."  
  
Knives shook his head in silent frustration, "I should know better than to let you watch Martha Stewart." And on that note left to find Dominique instead. 


	2. INCIDENT TWO

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
INCIDENT TWO: Knock First  
  
It was the first time he had walked in months. Knives had finally recovered from the wounds Vash had given him. Although slightly distraught that he was living with his brother and two spiders, Knives was very pleased that he was finally up and walking.  
  
After spending about two months in bed there was only one place Knives wanted to walk to.. That's right; the little plant's room.  
  
Doing the pee-pee dance, which was not helping, Knives waddled down the hallway, only to stop when he heard.. Curious noises coming from his brother's bedroom.  
  
Knives paused at the doorway, slightly alarmed. Could something have broken into the house without Knives's knowing and be attacking his brother?? There was a loud grunt followed by a high-pitched scream, confirming Knives beliefs. The plant, who had his gun confiscated, grabbed a potted plant for self-defense and barged into the room.  
  
Two shadows who looked distinctly like his brother and the short spider. Knives paused to evaluate the situation. The noises, the shadows, and the squeaking of the bed .. This could only mean one thing.  
  
Knives dropped the potted plant to the floor and it shattered with a tremendous cacophony. The shadows stopped moving.  
  
"You know, Vash, I don't approve of this." And with that Knives left. 


	3. INCIDENT THREE

AN: Okee, Ashley speaking. I wasn't planning to update until after I got back from the trip I'm taking with my co-author, Megan, and her sister, but as a reward for the 5 reviews I've received (2.5 per chapter!) I've decided to write down incident three, an idea Megan and I came up with together, by myself. Do not expect updates after this until the 8th.  
  
THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
INCIDENT THREE: Always Check Behind You  
  
A shadowy figure crept through the darkened hallways of the Seeds ship where it resided, along with its Master, Knives, and the other Gung-Ho Guns. The indistinct form neared a door and cautiously pushed it open after carefully looking both left and right.  
  
Legato Bluesummers blinked at the contrast between the dim hallway and the brightness of the kitchen. He looked left, then right again, paused, and spun in a circle to be sure no one was following him. Then made a mad dash for the freezer. He whipped open the door and pulled out a package of hot dogs.  
  
"My precious." he muttered crazily, beginning to rock back and forth like a lunatic, petting 'his precious' the whole while.  
  
He closed the door and began to walk away. But then stopped.  
  
Left. Right.  
  
No one was there.  
  
He spun on his heel and opened the freezer again and began stuffing hot dogs down his shirt like a thief, and then ran for the doorway..  
  
The very doorway Dominique, the Cyclops, was watching from with interest.  
  
"Legato, what ARE you doing?"  
  
Legato's mouth formed a perfect O, as he forgot to hold the hot dogs up and they all crashed to the ground.  
  
AN: I know. we pick on Legato a lot, but only because it's easy. 


	4. INCIDNET FOUR

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
INCIDENT FOUR: Poetry at 18 Months Old  
  
It was a bright, sunny day in the Rec. room of the SEEDS ship where Millions Knives sat. One could hardly tell that the beautiful blue sky was an illusion or that the warm sunshine was artificial. But, the synthetic atmosphere was the least of Knives's problems right now.  
  
Rem was babbling on again, filling his brother's head with that 'Love 'n' Peace' nonsense again. It was bad enough that Knives was forced to listen to her idealistic views on life, but now she was corrupting Vash as well?  
  
"-and that's why you should never take the life of another." Rem finished her speech.  
  
"Rem, if I poke you in the eye how long will it take for you to die?" Ok. it WAS pretty lame, but Knives was only a bit older than one in human years.  
  
Rem made a horrified face, nearly identical to the one she had made a few days ago when Knives had squashed a spider, but after a moment returned to her usual smile.  
  
"Knives, I'm so proud of you!" she squealed, "You made a rhyme!"  
  
Knives buried his head in his hands. There was no beating this woman. 


	5. INCIDENT FIVE

INCIDENT FIVE: Major in Calculus  
  
The two suns shone brightly down on an endless sea of desert. For iles and iles there was nothing but sand. maybe a rock. but that was only if you were lucky. In the middle of all this nothingness stood two very unhappy agents of the Bernardelli Insurance society.  
  
"Ohh, I'm gonna kill that broom-haired idiot when we find him! How are we supposed to figure out which way he's going?" Meryl screamed, hopping back on her slightly-frightened Thomas.  
  
"But, Meryl, that's simple." Her associate, Millie Thompson began to explain, "You see if Vash was going that way at five iles per hour and we were traveling this way at thirty iles per hour then the distance divided by the hypotenuse of a right triangle, multiplied by pi to the fourteenth power makes us A, Vash B, and that rock C, and if -b plus or minus the square root of b squared minus four multiplied by ac over 2a is used with those variables we should go that way!" Millie said in one breath.  
  
Meryl blinked.  
  
..  
  
"How did you know that?"   
  
"Oh, my younger older brother was a calculus major." Millie replied with a big goofy grin, while climbing onto her Thomas, "We better get moving before we loose Mr. Vash."  
  
"Riiiiiiiiight."  
  
And off they rode into the sunset. 


	6. INCIDENT SIX

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
INCIDENT SIX: Tattle Tale  
  
Zazie, the Beast, youngest member of the Gung-Ho Guns, sat wrapped in a blanket contentedly on a nice comfy couch in the main room of the home of the Gung-Ho Guns. Having been the first to rise this fine Saturday morning, Zazie relinquished full rights to the TV. In fact, he had even managed to have stolen some of Legato's Frosted Flakes, which is really quite an accomplishment as Legato holds his Frosted Flakes very dear to his heart, having said more than once that Tony the Tiger was his biggest idol.  
  
Forgetting Legato's odd habit to randomly shout out, "They're Grrrrrrrrreeeeeat!" Zazie returned his attention to the TV, which was now displaying his favorite Saturday morning cartoons. Zazie stayed this way for the better part of an hour; smiling, laughing, and even crying with the cartoons, that is. until HE showed up.  
  
Midvalley, the Hornfreak, plopped down on the couch, and, without a care in the world, snatched up the remote and changed the channel.  
  
Zazie blinked. He looked at Midvalley. He looked to the TV. He looked to the remote. He looked back to Midvalley. He looked at the TV. He looked at the remote. Zazie repeated this process until he was thoroughly pissed off . and dizzy.  
  
"I was watching that." He stated.  
  
"Now you're not." Midvalley said nonchalantly, continuing to stare at the TV.  
  
"Give me the remote back NOW!" Zazie screamed.  
  
"NO!" Midvalley yelled back, holding the remote over his head. just out of poor little Zazie's reach.  
  
"I'll tell Dominique you went through her underwear!" Zazie yelled threateningly.  
  
"I'll tell Legato you stole his Frosted Flakes!" Midvalley retorted, just as loudly.  
  
"I'll tell Knives you said his suit-thing looks queer!" replied the still jumping Zazie.  
  
"I only said that because you said it looked like a leotard! Besides, I can just tell Monev that you were playing on his exercise equipment!!" Midvalley punctuated by sticking his tongue out.  
  
"Well, I'll just tell Wolfwood about your fling with that insurance girl!" Zazie stopped jumping and just glared with his arms crossed.  
  
"You wouldn't!" Midvalley sneered.  
  
"I would!"  
  
"I'll tell just tell E.G. that you're the one who dyed his hair green!!!"  
  
"Well, then I guess I'll just have to inform Rai-Dei that you're the one who broke his original sword!"  
  
"Ok, then I'll tell Chapel that you were the one that snapped his cross-gun in half!" Midvalley sneered.  
  
"I didn't even do that! You did!" Zazie shrieked.  
  
"He doesn't know that." Midvalley smiled evilly.  
  
"I'll tell Leonoff about you 'creatively' rearranging the parts on his puppets!!!"  
  
"You helped with that!"  
  
"Did I? I don't seem to remember." Zazie trailed off.  
  
"Oh, you little." Midvalley stopped and seemed to be struck by sudden inspiration, "I'll just tell everyone about that one time you wet the bed!"  
  
"No, don't!" Zazie pleaded.  
  
"Then I keep the remote."  
  
"Fine." The child grumbled.  
  
Midvalley smirked.  
  
Zazie stood with his blanket wrapped around his neck like a cape and struck a very bat-man-like pose, "You may have one this time, HornFREAK, but I'll be back!" and with that he turned to leave.  
  
and was met with the angry faces of the Gung-Ho Guns, their leader, and one very unhappy Millions Knives.  
  
"Uhh. Midvalley?" Zazie stuttered.  
  
"Yeah, what?"  
  
". we have a problem." Zazie answered.  
  
Midvalley turned and saw the angry mob, "Oh. uhh. Hi guys! How long ya been there?" 


	7. INCIDENT SEVEN

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
INCIDENT SEVEN: Tho-omas?  
  
Today was not a happy day in the home of the Gung-Ho Guns, for you see today was the day that the Thomas stables must be cleaned, and unfortunately it was Legato's turn. Of course, our favorite psychic threw a royal fit about it, too.  
  
The poor telepathic psychopath trudged down the hall, apparently drowning himself in the self-pity pool, whining the whole while, "Stupid Thomases. Stupid Gung-Ho Guns. Stupid Master!"  
  
Legato opened the door to the Thomas stables, still complaining, and stomped over to the nearly-identical creatures, bent over to their level, and glared.  
  
"Thoooo-mas?" the creature squeaked, confusedly.  
  
Legato jumped back a foot or six. He thought Thomases were only supposed to grunt?  
  
"Thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssss!" The creature nodded it's head, managing to sound disturbingly similar to a human saying "wasssssssssssup?".  
  
Legato took a cautious step towards the animal, who was waiting patiently for an answer, "Err. Thomas?" Legato tried.  
  
The Thomas sat up a bit, happy that the blue-haired man had finally acknowledged him, and started up a conversation, for you know, Thomases are most talkative animals, "Thomas! Thomas! Thom thom mas mas thomas mas thom thom mas THOMAS!"  
  
Legato blinked at the beast, unsure of what to do. He wasn't sure what exactly it had just told him, and he didn't want to make it angry. Bad things happened when Thomases got angry.  
  
That was when the other one started..  
  
"Thomas thom thom mas thom mas thom thomas."  
  
And then the other..  
  
"Mas thom!"  
  
Then the two across the room joined in.  
  
"Thomas thom!" / "Mas mas Thom!"  
  
Soon the entire stable of Thomases were jumping up and down with excited chatter. While Legato slowly sank to his knees, hands covering his ears, trying to block out the sound of all the Thomases and their little social event. Soon he ended up in the fetal position in the corner..  
  
And that was how Midvalley found him an hour later. Of course the Thomases had stopped talking by then, after agreeing that lemonade did NOT taste good made with oranges, and of course, nobody believed poor Legato when he told them that the Thomases had a secret language that only they spoke. Perhaps the fact that he spent the rest of the week in the Thomas stables with a video camera trying to catch "evidence" didn't help to convince them? Who knows?  
  
AN: This chapter was inspired by Megan's plushie Thomas, the Thomas, and yes, I know. I pick on Legato too much, but it's so easy!!! 


	8. INCIDENT NINE

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
INCIDENT NINE: Family Game Night  
  
The Gung-Ho Guns were gathered in the "family room" of their fortress, none of them particularly happy to be there as they were having a rather heated "discussion".  
  
"No! I want to play Yatzee!" Zazie was screeching.  
  
"Too bad I wish to play Monopoly, so I can beat you are like the lowly spiders you are." Legato drawled.  
  
Caine glared at Legato and began knocking on the table, "KNOCK KNOCK THUMP SCRATCH SCRATCH THPPT!"  
  
E.G. Mine gave Caine a suspicious look before hissing, "I am NOT playing Life with you again. You cheat!"  
  
Caine glared back at E.G. before continuing, "THPPT PFFT KNOCK KNOCK SCRATCH!"  
  
E.G. looked to Dominique now, "Ya know, he's right. Don't think we haven't noticed you using that Demon's Eye of yours to slip five hundreds from the bank."  
  
"I do not!" Dominique screamed.  
  
"You do too!" Monev cried, "Can't we just play twister?"  
  
"No, I wanna play video games!" Zazie whined.  
  
"No! You cheat!" another Gung-Ho Gun shouted.  
  
"I do not!"  
  
"You do too!"  
  
"Do not!"  
  
"Do too!"  
  
"SILENCE!" Knives shouted as he entered the room, "I am your Master and I shall decide the game."  
  
Even Legato looked a little upset about this, but everyone remained silent and allowed their leader to speak, "We are going to play chess."  
  
"Awwwwwww. NO!"  
  
And so the fight raged on. With Zazie whining about video games, Knives continuing to scream about everyone's insolence, and Dominique claiming she did not cheat. In the end everyone decided to have a quickdraw contest. 


	9. INCIDENT TEN

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
INCIDENT TEN: The Freezer Aisle  
  
The Gung-Ho Guns walked into the high-tech grocery store of the closets town to their lair. Knives had decided today he would stop making them eat crusty hot dogs and would actually take his minions grocery shopping. All were happy shopping day, as Knives's funds were limitless and everyone was free to buy what they wished.  
  
Everyone went their separate ways once passing through the electronic- doors. Legato grabbed a cart or six and made his way towards the hot dog materials. Two carts were filled with hot dog buns, another two carts were filled with ketchup and mustard, and the last two carts Legato was pulling towards the freezer aisle.  
  
It wasn't easy. Legato had the carts tied to one another and then the front cart tied around his waist, so as he walked all the carts followed. Turns weren't particularly pretty and walking wasn't exactly a stroll in the park, but Legato managed. After a good five minutes of straining against the cart Legato found himself in the freezer aisle.  
  
He walked over to the glass case that held his precious hot dogs. He pressed his face up to the glass.  
  
"Hot . dog." He muttered in a daze.  
  
He licked the glass. that was probably not the best idea. "Ah ship!" Legato cursed, "By paun pi pauth."  
  
That was how Knives found him an hour later.  
  
AN: Ok, I'm leaving. Won't be back for a while. Expect the grocery thing to continue for a few chapters, sorry about it bein' so short. I'll be back Monday, my first day of highschool. Don't expect updates as often. Review. Fics that don't make review guidelines will be delayed. 


	10. INCIDENT ELEVEN

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
INCIDENT ELEVEN: Arachniphobia  
  
It had been a good day for Legato. He hadn't yet proved that the Thomases were conspiring. but it was only a matter of time. He was just settling down to watch Martha when.  
  
"LEGATO!" a voice called from the above floor.  
  
Our favorite psychopath sighed. This had been happening too often as of late.  
  
"LEGATO HELP!" the voice called again.  
  
The leader of the Gung-Ho Guns slowly rose from his seat and began to slowly climb the stairs. All the while a certain plant screaming 'LEGATO!' in the background. The blue-haired man opened the door at the top of the stairs to the sight of his Master hiding under the bed and gesturing wildly at the wall.  
  
"Get it!" Knives cried.  
  
Legato poked the spider and it fell apart, "Leonoff, that was not funny."  
  
A snicker and the patter of feet was heard in the hallway.  
  
AN: You know the drill. 


	11. INCIDENT TWELVE

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
INCIDENT TWELVE: New Pet  
  
Grey, the Nine Lives was too big for the SEEDS ship. In fact, poor Grey was so big that the Gung-Ho Guns kept him out in a sand pit in the back yard. Outside in his humble home there was very little to do, so the giant robot kept himself amused by decimating small nearby towns.  
  
One day Grey had gotten bored and decided he needed to destroy something to cheer himself up, so he waltzed, literally, on over to the small city of Guse, which continued to rebuild itself no matter how many times he destroyed it.  
  
After knocking the buildings down like a child would legos, Grey decided he was satisfied and began to walk home. Within a few moments of walking Grey had acquired a sneaking suspicion that he was being followed.  
  
The robot stopped, turned in a full circle, and then inquired in a distinctly mechanical voice, "Who. is. there?"  
  
There was no response other than a small giggle. Grey would've arched an eyebrow if he had one, but he didn't so he couldn't.  
  
Grey stomped on, glancing behind him every now and then. His electronic eyes moving back and forth. Overall, he looked a little paranoid, but just a little. Grey stopped again at the sound of footsteps and started firing missiles into the sand dunes, wailing, "I. KNOW. YOU'RE.. OUT.. THERE!"  
  
This lasted for a good five minutes before Grey stopped, took a big robot breath and carried on. A few moments later the robot turned again. However, this time he came face to fa-well, knee to face, actually, with a small child.  
  
He picked up the creature by the back of the shirt, as it proceeded to giggle, and continued to trot home.  
  
Once home the robot knocked on the door, accidentally breaking it down. Legato came to the doorway, fuming.  
  
"WHAT is so important to interrupt Martha?!" he screeched girlishly.  
  
Grey held the child an inch away from Legato's face and asked in a mechanical voice, "Can. I . keep. it?"  
  
AN: You know what to do. 


	12. INCIDENT THIRTEEN

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
INCIDENT THIRTEEN: Trapped  
  
Hopperd and E.G. Mine were very bored and had free rule of the home of the Gung-Ho Guns. These two things combined never ended with very good results. Currently, the two were sitting in the "family room," watching TV.  
  
E.G. sighed and crossed his arms, "I don't know why I can't go to the store with Knives 'n' them. YOU're the one who started it."  
  
"Did not!" Hopperd screamed.  
  
"Did too!"  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Did too!"  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Did too!"  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Did too!"  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Did too!"  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Well, anyway, now we have nothing to do, stupid-head." E.G. hissed.  
  
"I'm not stupid, you far-sniffer!"  
  
"Assface!"  
  
"Fucktard!"  
  
"Butt pirate!"  
  
"Yeah? Well you suck at fighting!"  
  
"Do not!"  
  
"Do too!"  
  
"Do not!"  
  
"Do too!"  
  
"Do not!"  
  
"Do too!"  
  
"Do not!"  
  
"Do too!"  
  
"Do not!"  
  
"Do too!"  
  
"Well, if I suck at fighting, how about you 'n' me race down Grey's pit outside!" E.G. taunted.  
  
"You're on!"  
  
And so they both sprinted out of the house, and each began rolling down the hill in his own shell. Amazingly, each reached the bottom at the exact same time, but neither had thought about how they should get out of the giant hole.  
  
"Oh shit." The two cursed in unison. 


	13. INCIDENT FOURTEEN

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
INCIDENT FOURTEEN: The Thomases Strike Back  
  
"Dominique!" Legato was screaming, "DOMINIQUE? Come back here now! If you don't give me back my Better Homes and Gardens magazine I'm going to. I'm going to.. EAT YOUR CHILDREN!"  
  
Dominique stood behind a lamp in the family room, but quickly decided it wasn't quite such a good hiding spot. She flopped down on the couch instead and opened the patch that hid her Demon Eye. To the rest of the world she was one with the couch.  
  
Legato stormed into the room, holding what looked like some sort of half- finished cross-stitch project. He locked suspiciously around what appeared to be an empty room. He glanced at the TV, walked over, and calmly turned it off. He began to walk away when Dominique, unbeknownst to him, turned the television back on. He turned around in a full circle, thoroughly confused.  
  
"Midvalley?" he questioned cautiously.  
  
Dominique repressed a snicker.  
  
Legato gave one last suspicious glance side to side. No one was there.. Right? He then trotted, carefully, over to the television, walking as though the ground were going to collapse beneath him, and slowly turned off the accursed machine. Legato then ran for his life towards the door. He almost made it. The keyword there being 'almost.'  
  
As soon as the blue-haired main had made it to the doorway Dominique, still invisible to eh human eye, pushed the on button again. The moment she did Legato whirled around.  
  
"It's the Thomases!" Legato muttered to himself, seeming more upset than if someone had just told him Martha Stewart had been canceled, "No, it's a ghost!' he shrieked, and then muttered again, 'No, it's the Ghost of an angry Thomas!"  
  
He screamed like a girl and ran from the room, leaving Dominique to laugh quietly to herself. 


	14. INCIDENT FIFTEEN

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
INCIDENT FIFTEEN: Arbor Day  
  
One would normally look upon the great looming sight of the crashed Project SEEDS ship with something akin to horror and run screaming from the scene, but today the home of one Millions Knives looked a bit. well. we'll just say "different." The foreboding metal shell of the spacecraft had been covered in a glaringly white banner that read, "SAVE THE PLAINTS!" in big bold letters, and just underneath this banner stood that one Millions Knives, not looking very happy in the least.  
  
"You spelled the word 'plant' wrong." He informed the figure beside him in a disturbingly calm voice.  
  
"Yes, Master, I know. it was. an accident?" a voice drawled.  
  
"We do not take kindly to errors, Legato." The same disturbingly calm voice echoed.  
  
"We, Master?" Legato questioned.  
  
"Yes, WE!" he shrieked, beginning to sob now, "You've ruined it, Legato! This was going to be the best Arbor Day ever and YOU ruined it!"  
  
"Master, I."  
  
"No, Legato! No!" and with that Knives ran off crying, leaving Legato to catch up with him.  
  
.go figure. 


	15. INCIDENT SIXTEEN

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
INCIDENT SIXTEEN: Oh! Christmas Tree!  
  
Christmas carols had been ringing in the Gung-Ho Guns' ears for weeks as loud as Legato could possibly sing them. Yes, you guessed it. It's Christmas time on Gunsmoke, and Christmas just happened to be Legato's favorite holiday.  
  
Today, however, there were no songs being sung obscenely off key and loudly. Legato was slumped in a chair, staring blankly at a wall, and trying his damnedest to figure a solution to his problem. You see, Knives, being the plant-activist that he was, forbade Legato to go out and cut down one of the few trees that managed to survive on the planet, and so our poor Legato was left without a Christmas tree. And Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas to Legato without a tree.  
  
"What's wrong with Legato?" asked Chapel who had just entered the room, "Is he upset about his stupid name again?"  
  
/Stupid name?/ thought Legato, /at least my name's not 'the. Evergreen'../  
  
And then Legato smiled, that wonderful, kind smile of his. Everyone in the room cringed visibly.  
  
"Oh, Chapel the EVERGREEN.. what a wonderful, delightful, fantastic surprise." He drawled, reaching for the box of ornaments.  
  
Everyone within a fifty ile radius heard Chapel's screams that day, but, frankly, the Gung-Ho Guns didn't care. By the time they were finished they had quite a lovely Christmas tree. 


	16. INCIDENT SEVENTEEN

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
INCIDENT SEVENTEEN: Christmas Calories  
  
It was Christmas Eve on Gunsmoke and everybody was celebrating-the Gung-Ho Guns being no exception. Chapel was still standing in the family room, decorated quite nicely, might I add, and the rest of the cult-err. group were all enjoying a nice Christmas dinner.  
  
Well, what I mean when I say 'everyone' is actually just Monev, the Gale. Everyone else was just watching with something akin to absolute terror as Monev ate everything in sight. The potatoes, the turkey, the cranberries, the rolls, and even a few of the plates.  
  
Knives had warned them all that he physical-fitness-oriented-man's one weakness was a good holiday meal, but now as they watched Monev pile anything in sight into his mouth they realized just how much they'd underestimated the warning.  
  
When Monev began to gnaw on one of the table legs they all decided they'd better retire to bed before someone lost a few fingers or possibly even an arm. They all awoke the next morning to a horrified, blood curling, heart- wrenching scream. Everyone rushed downstairs to see Legato kneeling on the floor next to a giant purple balloon-no, wait, that was Monev-sobbing hysterically. Their "fearless leader" held up a red hat and cried, "Monev ate Santa!" 


	17. INCIDENT EIGHTEEN

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
INCIDENT EIGHTEEN: Bless You  
  
Everyone was gathered in the dining room of the home of the Gung-Ho Guns. Knives was starting to seriously weird them out. He was always on about how they never acted like a family anymore, and nobody really had the heart to tell him that they were a group of assassins, and not, in fact, his adoptive family. So here they all were; eating dinner; at the table; like a civilized family.  
  
"Legato, please pass the ketchup." Knives asked cheerfully.  
  
Legato nodded and-  
  
--ACHOO!  
  
He sneezed.  
  
"Bless you." A small voice said.  
  
All eyes fell on Caine, the Longshot.  
  
"Did he just.?"  
  
"Oh my God!"  
  
"I think he did!"  
  
"Caine talked?!"  
  
Chaos ensued. 


	18. INCIDENT NINETEEN

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
INCIDENT NINETEEN: It's Heavy!!  
  
The desert sun beat down heavily on the four tired travelers. Vash the stampeded, Meryl Stryfe, Millie Thompson, and Nicholas D. Wolfwood had been walking through the desert for what seemed like ages, and still there was nothing but sand in every direction.  
  
Sure, everyone was tired but no one expected the low cry from the rear of the group, "My back hurts--!"  
  
"What?" Meryl asked.  
  
"This cross is too heavy! Someone else carry this!" Wolfwood whined shoving the cross in Vash's direction.  
  
"I'm not carrying it!" Vash said.  
  
"But Va-ash. It's heavy! 'n' my back hurts!" Wolfwood began stomping as he whined this time.  
  
"No, Wolfwo-"  
  
"But Va-ash!!!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
Wolfwood jutted his bottom lip out and made his best puppy dog face.  
  
"No, Wolfwood, I-"  
  
Wolfwood whimpered.  
  
"Argh! Fine!"  
  
"Score!" 


	19. INCIDENT TWENTY

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW  
  
CLOSING INCIDENT: Halloween  
  
The SEEDS ship was all mixed up. It was Halloween, and Rem had gotten the silly notion that the two plant children would like to dress up. That's right, everybody, she thought Knives-Knives, soon to be exterminator of the human race (or so he thought)-wanted to play dress up.  
  
Well, it didn't exactly help that Vash was ecstatically happy about it all and couldn't wait to get their surprise costumes.  
  
That was another thing Knives, soon to be exterminator of the human race, didn't like. Everything would probably have been fine if Rem allowed them to pick their own costumes, but no. She had decided she would pick the costume, making Knives a very unhappy camper, indeed.  
  
That left him here, waiting patiently for Rem and Vash to exit the Briefing Room so he could see their wonderful, wonderful surprise.  
  
He didn't have to wait long because no sooner than he had thought it Rem and V-well, he hoped that was Vash-stepped outside.  
  
Knives silently looked at his brother, a look of pure horror creeping onto his face.  
  
"Isn't it great, Knives?!" Rem asked enthusiastically.  
  
Vash was wearing a white DRESS and a circle of tin foil "floated" above his head with the aid of a wire. His hair was down, and for some stupid reason he was smiling brightly.  
  
"What have you done to him, woman?!" Knives shrieked backing away from his twin very quickly.  
  
"Oh, it's just wonderful. Yours is just like it!" Rem squeaked happily.  
  
"I'm not wearing that!" Knives said, shaking his head rapidly and backing up quickly.  
  
Rem's eyes seemed to glow red for a moment, and then she shouted, "Yes, you WILL!"  
  
Damn, that woman could be scary.  
  
AN: Well, that's about it. This is the end you guys. It's been great. Later. 


End file.
